My family relationships will never be the same again. They say they miss the person that I was like I've died. People call me disingenuous, ungrateful, a disappointment. They want me to stop talking, they don't want to listen.
I didn't try hard enough. I wasn't good enough. They feel pain, and it is all my fault.
Gasping for air between sobs.
Everything is my fault. It's all my fault.
They could have said, "Wow, this must have been a really hard decision for you. How are you doing?" No. Instead, it's questions like, "Don't you know that you are just being deceived? Don't you now that you are hurting all the people you love?" Heap on the guilt, pile up the shame, tell me that I am causing So. Much. Pain. And it's all my fault.
This post is hard to write, so it's short. I don't like rehashing these thoughts in my mind, but I wanted to try and convey how much emotional weight I've carried, for months, because of leaving the church.